Pharos-Tribune

Opinion

October 20, 2013

KNISELY: Be careful what you laugh at

During a family get-together over the weekend, I told my family about my near fatal run-in with a frog. I told them I wrote a column about how dangerous frogs are and how they should be banished from the planet after the incident.

They laughed at me. Not like little giggles, but full-on belly laughing. Through the roar, though, I was able to make out some words. Most of them weren’t overly nice, unless you consider “You are a serious crybaby” to be polite. Being used to this kind of abuse, I brushed them off and went about my business.

Well, later in the day, we were standing around in the yard just off the front porch. My nieces and I had just made three dummies using a giant pile of leaves they made the day before. My sister and nieces were setting up the finished dummies on the porch. (As an aside, they call them “scarecrows” because dummies is a bad word. This whole political correctness stuff has just got to stop.)

Anyway, standing in a circle with me were my dad, my stepmom and my brother-in-law. My brother-in-law stops mid-sentence and yells, “There’s a snake!” We all look down to see a snake at our feet.

My brother-in-law made the highest-pitched scream I’ve ever heard from a man, and my stepmother and I followed suit. We all took off running in different directions. My brother-in-law was on the porch in 1.5 seconds flat. He was a blur out of the corner of my eye. I don’t think he even used the steps.

Once I got what I felt was a safe enough distance to stop and turn back to the scene of the crime, I looked for my stepmother. She was nowhere to be found. I first thought maybe the snake got her, but then thought better of it. I yelled to my brother-in-law up on the porch and he pointed behind me.

Text Only | Photo Reprints
Opinion
  • THEIR VIEW: Littering shows disregard for surroundings Numbers tell a sad story about the disregard many Hoosiers have for their surroundings. Too many in Indiana don't care enough about the environment to prevent them from cluttering the countryside by carelessly tossing litter along the side of roadway

    April 18, 2014

  • WOLFSIE: High-tech got you down? I love where I bank. It's a branch inside of a big supermarket. I can make a modest withdrawal and then go and blow every last penny in the cookie aisle. The tellers at the window appreciate me. They know about my obsession with round numbers and und

    April 18, 2014

  • PETERS: Grizzly bear may help human medicine I've gained 5 pounds since last summer. My body mass index (BMI) is still fine, but I need to stop gaining to keep it that way. Grizzly bears put my weight gain to shame. In the late summer, they eat some 50,000 calories per day and gain more than 1

    April 18, 2014

  • THEIR VIEW: Lawmakers fail to act on the issue After several years of fretting over Indiana's ongoing methamphetamine problem, the Indiana General Assembly continues to struggle for a solution. The issue seems to come up every session, given that Indiana leader the nation in meth lab seizures. Bu

    April 17, 2014

  • WILLIAMS: Feelings of the flowers I took one of those fun tests on Facebook to see what kind of flower I am and lo and behold, it said I was an orchid! That is so wrong because I have always thought I was the exact opposite of an orchid. I'd characterize myself as a daisy. You know,

    April 17, 2014

  • HAMILTON: Government as innovator? You bet! Five years ago, the federal government spent $169 billion to fund basic research and development. This fiscal year, it's down to $134 billion. People who believe in public belt-tightening applaud drops like that. I understand why: there are many reas

    April 17, 2014

  • PARKER: It's time to take a joke, America In selecting Stephen Colbert to replace David Letterman as host of the "Late Show," CBS has waged war on America's Heartland -- or so proclaims that Palm Beach font of heartland mirth, Rush Limbaugh. Don't you believe it, Heartlanders. But wait, ther

    April 16, 2014

  • THEIR VIEW: Constitutional convention won't work today There seems to be a growing idea that we need a Constitutional convention. That, of course, is the other way to change the Constitution. Amendments have been used 27 times to make changes, ranging from limiting the president's term of office to the d

    April 16, 2014

  • KITCHELL: Forum about adding answers, subtracting questions A week from tonight, Logansport residents and those outside Logansport who purchase electricity from the Logansport Municipal Utilities will have a chance to find out some things for themselves. A free forum at McHale Performing Arts Center will feat

    April 16, 2014

  • PUBLIC FORUM: The people are losing control of its government The people are losing control of government President Obama and progressive Democrats and Republicans are changing the landscape of our country by bypassing our Constitution and what our forefathers fought and gave their lives for. Their philosophy c

    April 16, 2014

Hyperlocal Search
Premier Guide
Find a business

Walking Fingers
Maps, Menus, Store hours, Coupons, and more...
Premier Guide
Poll

Should mushroom hunters be allowed to forage off-trail in Indiana state parks?

Yes
No
Undecided
     View Results
Featured Ads
AP Video
Parade
Magazine

Click HERE to read all your Parade favorites including Hollywood Wire, Celebrity interviews and photo galleries, Food recipes and cooking tips, Games and lots more.