Pharos-Tribune

Opinion

May 10, 2013

WOLFSIE: Tweet or die trying

One after-noon in 2011, my friend Eric spent a couple of hours over lunch explaining Twitter to me and I thought I understood it all, but as you’ll see from my first few tweets, I wasn’t very confident:

Is anyone getting this?

Todd, are you the only one who got this or did everyone get it?

THIS IS A TEST

If someone is actually reading this, could you call me on my phone and tell me?

THIS IS ANOTHER TEST

I’m still trying to understand how this whole process works. If John McCain and Mitch McConnell can tweet, how tough can it be? My wife says there are courses on social networking, but I don’t have a great record learning stuff in a classroom. I still can’t speak Spanish or do long division.

This past Sunday, I decided to take advantage of the great breadth of knowledge and experience that exists among our church’s congregation. At the end of the service each week, we all stand in a circle holding hands (unless there’s a flu epidemic) and ask our fellow Unitarians to express any recent joys or concerns. A lot of people waste this valuable time to lament about their ailing aunt or to brag about their niece who got a Rhodes Scholarship. I took the opportunity to see if anyone could explain to me how to tweet. In order to minimize the total humiliation I might experience, I did request that my tutor not be under 8 or over 80.

In true community spirit, many congregants approached me after the service with an offer to assist. Based on some of these comments, I was still a bit uneasy:

“I never fully understood that hashtag thing either, Dick.”

“I don’t think you can end a sentence with @”

“I don’t trust Direct Messaging. My boss now knows I hate him.”

The real problem now was coming up with twitter-worthy material. Last Wednesday after walking my dog at a nearby park, I sped out of the parking area without securing the hatchback on my SUV. Apparently, as I made my way home, an entire case of expensive prescription dog food and 30 copies of my latest book slid out the back and onto the street. After discovering this, I quickly retraced my route to find the missing cargo, but to no avail. Thankfully, upon returning to my house, I saw all my belongings stacked on my front porch, with a note:

Hello, Mr. Wolfsie:

I saw this stuff strewn all over Fall Creek Parkway and decided to return it. I knew the dog food would be missed. Also found your books.

Josh

Now I had something to tweet about. “Thanks to an honest guy named #Josh who returned everything that fell out of the back of my car.”

(Why the hashtag? I don’t know, but it made me feel very hip to type it.)

That night I went to my twitter account and I saw that Josh had retweeted my comments. I have no idea what that means. But I can’t wait to find out at church on Sunday.

Dick Wolfsie is a television news reporter, syndicated humor columnist and author. He can be reached at Wolfsie@aol.com.

 

1
Text Only | Photo Reprints
Opinion
  • WOLFSIE: A trip to end all trips My wife is planning a very exciting vacation to celebrate our 35th wedding anniversary. This was a big surprise to me. Not the vacation part, but the 35 years. I thought it was 34. Right now she is on the back porch, the patio table stacked high with

    July 25, 2014

  • FREY: Hero pilot still on a mission to save lives Ordinary people who live their lives, do something spectacular one day, and then embrace a great cause after retirement are tops in my book.Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger III is such an individual. He is the pilot who safely landed a US Airways airplan

    July 25, 2014

  • HAMILTON: Why incumbents keep getting reelected It’s no news that Congress is unpopular. In fact, at times it seems like the only real novelty on Capitol Hill would be a jump in its approval rating. In June, a Gallup poll found members’ standing with the American people at a historic low for a mid

    July 24, 2014

  • THEIR VIEW: Write clear rules for vanity plate licenses We see vanity license plates regularly. Some are funny or thought-provoking. Others are just plain puzzling.One specialty plate backing autism research and support carries the heartfelt message “4MYSON.” Others are more prosaic, as in COLTFANZ.It’s c

    July 24, 2014

  • WILLIAMS: Four-legged family I have three pets. First, Paisley, a long-haired cream and tortoise Ragdoll cat. She’s the aristocracy in our group, compared to the rest of us, who are all blue collar folks. Her movements are slow and stately and her mien is gracious. She is by far

    July 24, 2014

  • Holly Sklar SKLAR: Small businesses want minimum wage increase If Congress actually listened to small business owners, the minimum wage would be going up. Instead, July 24 will mark five years without an increase since the federal minimum wage was set at $7.25 an hour in 2009.Small business livelihoods depend on

    July 23, 2014 1 Photo

  • KITCHELL: Reaction times change, but motorists don't Earlier this year, I came home one afternoon to find the worst accident on North Street I can ever recall.A bevy of police cars and four flatbed trucks were removing the pawns in an accident that damaged four vehicles. It was a bit unusual considerin

    July 23, 2014

  • OUR VIEW: Keeping insects under control curbs disease State health officials said last week mosquitoes in two northern Indiana counties tested positive for the West Nile virus, The Associated Press reported.The state health department said mosquitoes in Marshall and Pike counties were confirmed to have

    July 23, 2014

  • THEIR VIEW: Indiana's ethics laws in need of reform The Indiana State Ethics Commission’s recent approval of an agreement between the state inspector general and Tony Bennett settles the charges against the former state superintendent of schools.But the settlement raises more concerns about the loopho

    July 22, 2014

  • MARCUS: Tax simplification is no simple matter The governor and his select invitees to his closed tax conference last month praised simplifying Indiana’s tax code. It is an idea better loved by Americans than baseball, apple, pie or motherhood.There is no question that our national and state tax

    July 22, 2014

Hyperlocal Search
Premier Guide
Find a business

Walking Fingers
Maps, Menus, Store hours, Coupons, and more...
Premier Guide
Poll

The Pence administration continues to cut Indiana agency budgets despite a state surplus of $2 billion. Is this wise management of state funds?

Yes
No
Not sure
     View Results
Featured Ads
AP Video
Arizona Prison Chief: Execution Wasn't Botched Calif. Police Investigate Peacock Shooting Death Raw: Protesters, Soldiers Clash in West Bank Police: Doctor Who Shot Gunman 'Saved Lives' 'Modern Family' Star on Gay Athletes Coming Out MN Twins Debut Beer Vending Machine DA: Pa. Doctor Fired Back at Hospital Gunman Raw: Iowa Police Dash Cam Shows Wild Chase Obama Seeks Limits on US Company Mergers Abroad Large Family to Share NJ Lottery Winnings U.S. Flights to Israel Resume After Ban Lifted Official: Air Algerie Flight 'probably Crashed' TSA Administrator on Politics and Flight Bans Raw: National Guard Helps Battle WA Wildfires Raw: Ukraine's Donetsk Residents Flee Senators Push to End Hamas Threat in Cease-Fire A Young Victim's Premonition, Hug Before MH17 Raw: Deadly Storm Hits Virginia Campground Death Penalty Expert: 'This is a Turning Point' Raw: MH17 Victim's Bodies Arrive in Netherlands
Parade
Magazine

Click HERE to read all your Parade favorites including Hollywood Wire, Celebrity interviews and photo galleries, Food recipes and cooking tips, Games and lots more.