That’s it. It’s official.
There’s something wrong with me.
More times than I can count, I’ve been the exception to the rule. Not in a good way, like I beat the odds of winning the lottery multiple times. But in a if-something-is-going-to-go-wrong-it’s-going-to-wrong-with-me way.
Let me give you some examples.
A few years back, I noticed I had a scratch on my side. I don’t know where the scratch came from, but it was really small and caused me little worry. A few days passed and I noticed the area had become red and swollen. Still not worried, I went back to ignoring it. A few more days and it was not only much bigger, but it seemed to be getting angry. (OK, technically a scratch can’t be mad, but I swear it was.)
I let it go for a couple weeks before finally going to the doctor. In those couple weeks, things got bad. Real bad. Let’s just say my entire side was red. (Yes, I should have gone to the doctor sooner, but that’s not what this column is about.)
The doctor visit marked the first time I had a medical professional utter the words “oh my!” to me. When she first looked at what she later dubbed a “wound,” her mouth fell open. She left the room and promptly returned with a gaggle of medical students on her tail.
“I called you in here,” she said to the students, “because you’ll likely never get a chance to see an infection like this again.”
Umm, what? It’s a scratch, people. Let’s all calm down.
The doctor didn’t agree. There was a minor surgery, antibiotic shots and pills, and a drainage apparatus. The doctor said I was two days from dying of blood poisoning.
Oops. My bad.
The second specialist I shocked with my abnormality was an ear, nose and throat doctor. I again let the situation — a persistent head cold — linger on too long before seeking help that doesn’t come over the counter. With his fancy head-lamp thingy (Sorry for using medical jargon), he looked at my throat. At this point, most people hear a doctor say “mmmmm.” But no, not me. To me, he said, “Oh my!”
Oh my what? I ask.
His response? “That’s really gross!”
Seriously? How do you gross out a doctor? I guess you have to be me.
He handed me a mirror and said, “You have to see this!”
Since it’s been quite a while since the last incident, I thought I had done my time and was going to be normal for a change. But as my Dad would say, that’s what I get for thinking.
We launched a new software system this week at the paper. We had a trainer in for the week to show us the ropes and help if we should have any problems.
Well, of course I had problems.
My computer wouldn’t let me create files. And if I did manage to create something, I couldn’t open the file a second time. It was just one error message after another.
Of course they weren’t normal hiccups and bugs that come with implementing a new system.
Each time I had to call the poor trainer over to examine the latest problem, he looked a little more confused.
“Hmm,” he said on more than one occasion. “That’s weird. I’ve never seen that error before.”
Heaven forbid I have a simple, run-of-the-mill, push F12 and it’s fixed error. No, I have to have an error that requires a call to headquarters and a conference of the powers-to-be to figure out what went wrong.
After about the 200th trip into my office (OK, that might be a bit of an exaggeration), the trainer jokingly questioned why I was the only one having problems.
There’s not enough headquarters or conferences in the world to answer that question.
Misty Knisely is managing editor of the Pharos-Tribune. She can be reached at 574-732-5155 or at email@example.com
That’s it. It’s official.
- MARCUS: The higher education funding mess Public higher education financing is unsustainable as currently configured. This conclusion was reached by two important groups over the past two years. The National Association of State Budget Officers and the State Higher Education Executive Office
- PUBLIC FORUM: Are businesses missing out on interns? Are businesses missingout on interns?Admittedly we’re a little biased, but the Indiana INTERNnet and Indiana Chamber teams believe your company is not operating at full capacity if you aren’t hosting an internship program. Missing out on increased pr
- VILLAGE IDIOT: The state of the reunion “Katy! It’s been so long! How’ve you been?”My God, she’s gained so much weight I didn’t recognize her. It’s a good thing we’re all wearing nametags. I thought it was some distant cousin past due with triplets.“Bob! Long time, no see.”No hair, either.
- OUR VIEW: Indiana's right-to-work law unnecessary It has been a crime for Indiana employers to enter into labor contracts that require workers to pay union dues since Feb. 1, 2012 — the day then-Gov. Mitch Daniels signed legislation making the Hoosier State a “right-to-work” state.Whether Indiana ke
- COATS: What to do next with Putin, Ukraine The tragic death of 298 people on board Malaysian Airlines flight 17 in a wheat field in eastern Ukraine marks a moment when words of disapproval and expressions of grief are not enough. This is a moment when action must follow the outrage and rhetor
- LYONS: The most powerful men in the world? Search the phrase “the most powerful man in the world” and what comes up are photos of grotesquely over-developed weightlifters; also Barack Obama and Vladimir Putin. Awfully ironic under present circumstances. It’s a cant term TV news anchors use to
- CEPEDA: What are students to eat now Remember last year’s hysteria over school lunches? Administrators, cafeteria workers, students and parents across the country freaked out when — gasp! — school lunches were made healthier.News reports throughout the 2012-13 school year — when lunch s
- HOWEY: Rising up to meet Putin’s thuggery Any illusions I had about the progressive nature of Vladimir Putin’s Russian regime quickly dissipated when I returned to my Moscow Grand Marriott room in August 2007. Upon opening the door, I was greeted with the spectacle of my papers and note pads
- HAYDEN: Congress scolded for its failures Retired Congressman Lee Hamilton has warned of the perils of political ideology, calling the body where he spent 34 years “noxiously partisan.” Now, he worries the divide is downright dangerous. A co-chairman of the 9/11 Commission, Hamilton and fell
- PUBLIC FORUM: Letters for Sunday, July 27, 2014 Residents want to see development pactI’ve been attending the Utility Service Board monthly meetings for the past several months to better understand the ongoing plans for first Pyrolyzer and now a purchase agreement with Total Concept Solutions.Thre
- More Opinion Headlines