Pharos-Tribune

Opinion

July 26, 2013

WOLFSIE: A kernel of truth

(Continued)

And then there’s eating the popcorn. My wife takes one piece from the top of the box with two fingers, then places the popcorn in her mouth where she lets it melt on her tongue. Mary Ellen claims this gets her into a rhythm to understand and enjoy the movie. I believe this technique is practiced by a satanic cult in Utah. My wife’s right arm moves up and down next to my face about 1,100 times during the movie. I don’t remember any films I’ve seen with her because I’m hypnotized through most of them.

Here’s the right way to eat popcorn: Dig way down into the container, which spews popcorn all over people on either side of you. Take an entire handful, shake the kernels up in your fist like a pair of dice and throw several into your mouth at one time. Then while still chewing, reload and prepare to fire again. This is how Orville Redenbacher did it. You could look it up. Why aren’t there instructions on the popcorn box?

We take the remaining popcorn home and Mary Ellen sits in front of the TV watching old re-runs of Bonanza. I hate that show, but I’m not saying anything. When Mary Ellen gets angry, that right arm packs quite a wallop.

Dick Wolfsie is a television news reporter, syndicated humor columnist and author. He can be reached at Wolfsie@aol.com.

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