Pharos-Tribune

Opinion

July 11, 2014

WOLFSIE: Calling for an update

According to a national research firm, most people over 75 do not own a cell phone. This is in contrast to the millennials who admit that the first thing they do in the morning and the last thing they do each night is check their mobile phone. It must be nice to have a strong bladder.

To increase sales, cell phone companies are targeting the older demographic. Here’s a sales call that might take place between an account rep (AR) and somebody’s grandmother (SG):

AR: Hello, Mrs. Smith, my name is Joe. I’m calling to see if we can interest you in a new mobile phone. How has your present phone been working out for you?

SG: For 75 years, I’ve dialed and someone answered. If it rang, I answered it. Can you improve on that?

AR: We’d like to introduce you to something different. It’s called a smartphone.

SG: Are you there? You keep cutting out. What’s so smart about your phone?

AR: You can carry it with you, wherever you go.

SG: It must have a very long cord. What if I go shopping?

AR: That’s the beauty of it — you don’t need a cord.

SG: No cord? You could lose a phone that way.

AR: If you misplace it at home, you can call your cell phone with your other phone and you will hear it ring.

SG: Wait a second, you want me to buy your phone, but still keep my phone so I can use it to find your phone? This is not a great marketing plan. Where does the power come from to run the phone?

AR: The phone has a battery and you have to plug it into the wall to recharge it.

SG: Wait, I thought you didn’t need a cord. Hello, are you there? I keep losing you.

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