The regulars who frequent Fitness by Denial were sitting around imbibing their favorite beverages when the topic came up. “What do you think of the court’s decision in the cold beer wars?” asked a senior member of the state legislature.
“Perfect,” said a second who runs one of Indiana’s regulatory commissions. “We ought to invite that judge to join our club. His ruling is totally in keeping with our mission: “to maintain Indiana’s superiority in all matters by denying any alleged defects in our institutions.”
“But did it make sense?” asked the legislator. “After all he didn’t settle anything. Is it right that cold beer be sold only by liquor stores and not by groceries and other stores that are condemned to sell warm beer? Is the temperature of the beer really the issue? Is this a measure to keep cold beer out of the hands of children?”
A roar of laughter came from the regulator. “You? You’re asking does it make sense? What does making sense have to do with the legislation you and your colleagues pass?”
“Now, listen,” the lawmaker responded. “The judge understood we have the right to make whatever laws we want to regulate the use of alcohol in this state. We decided access to cold beer can be dangerous and therefore restricted. We supported the idea that liquor stores are better places to sell cold beer than making it available widely through such places as convenience stores, drug stores, groceries and other places consumers frequent.”
“Really?” the regulator asked. “What you mean is you and the judge listened to the lobbyists on one side rather than those on the other side.”
“Sir!” the legislator contained his ire. “We listen to all interested parties, but we decide on the merits of the issue.”