Pharos-Tribune

Opinion

July 2, 2013

VILLAGE IDIOT: One man's trash is another's garbage

Have you ever thrown something out, like a Rembrandt etching or an old Tiffany lamp, only to find out later that it was worth tens of thousands of dollars? Neither have I. Yet every time I watch “Antiques Roadshow” or “Pawn Stars,” I hear that someone found this Stradivarius violin in the trash, or that a neighbor had given them George Washington’s sword to thank them for cleaning out the attic.

It makes me wonder what I did to get the stingy neighbors I have, who never seem to throw out anything valuable. When I go through their trash, there’s never anything worth selling, and yet I’m the one who gets yelled at. I’m talking about you, Thelma! It’s bad enough that all your garbage is just garbage. It’s a real pain to have to listen to you telling me you’ll call the police if I don’t put it back in the recycling bin exactly the way I found it.

What a troublemaker she is.

I know she’s got stuff in that house that’s worth real money; it’s got to be only a matter of time before she makes a mistake and throws it out. No one likes a hoarder, dearie!

It’s not even about the money, it’s about making a good deal. It’s like the lottery, except your chances of finding a Rembrandt in the trash are much, much better. And you don’t have to wait in line.

One of the things I see that are worth a lot of money are old dolls, the kind with porcelain heads and stuffed bodies that are wearing dull brown, truly unflattering Victorian dresses. All the experts pick them up and look at them and say they’re worth $800. Eight hundred dollars? These things make Chatty Cathy look like Barbarella. No wonder most of them are in such good shape. Nobody would want to play with those dumpy-looking things. A dead flounder would be cuter and more fun. These antique dolls are the opposite of fun. They are anatomically correct in the way a sandbag is anatomically correct. And I’m talking about the hands and feet. Forget about the other parts — they sure did.

Text Only | Photo Reprints
Opinion
  • MARCUS: The higher education funding mess Public higher education financing is unsustainable as currently configured. This conclusion was reached by two important groups over the past two years. The National Association of State Budget Officers and the State Higher Education Executive Office

    July 29, 2014

  • PUBLIC FORUM: Are businesses missing out on interns? Are businesses missingout on interns?Admittedly we’re a little biased, but the Indiana INTERNnet and Indiana Chamber teams believe your company is not operating at full capacity if you aren’t hosting an internship program. Missing out on increased pr

    July 29, 2014

  • VILLAGE IDIOT: The state of the reunion “Katy! It’s been so long! How’ve you been?”My God, she’s gained so much weight I didn’t recognize her. It’s a good thing we’re all wearing nametags. I thought it was some distant cousin past due with triplets.“Bob! Long time, no see.”No hair, either.

    July 29, 2014

  • OUR VIEW: Indiana's right-to-work law unnecessary It has been a crime for Indiana employers to enter into labor contracts that require workers to pay union dues since Feb. 1, 2012 — the day then-Gov. Mitch Daniels signed legislation making the Hoosier State a “right-to-work” state.Whether Indiana ke

    July 29, 2014

  • COATS: What to do next with Putin, Ukraine The tragic death of 298 people on board Malaysian Airlines flight 17 in a wheat field in eastern Ukraine marks a moment when words of disapproval and expressions of grief are not enough. This is a moment when action must follow the outrage and rhetor

    July 28, 2014

  • LYONS: The most powerful men in the world? Search the phrase “the most powerful man in the world” and what comes up are photos of grotesquely over-developed weightlifters; also Barack Obama and Vladimir Putin. Awfully ironic under present circumstances. It’s a cant term TV news anchors use to

    July 28, 2014

  • CEPEDA: What are students to eat now Remember last year’s hysteria over school lunches? Administrators, cafeteria workers, students and parents across the country freaked out when — gasp! — school lunches were made healthier.News reports throughout the 2012-13 school year — when lunch s

    July 27, 2014

  • HOWEY: Rising up to meet Putin’s thuggery Any illusions I had about the progressive nature of Vladimir Putin’s Russian regime quickly dissipated when I returned to my Moscow Grand Marriott room in August 2007. Upon opening the door, I was greeted with the spectacle of my papers and note pads

    July 27, 2014

  • HAYDEN: Congress scolded for its failures Retired Congressman Lee Hamilton has warned of the perils of political ideology, calling the body where he spent 34 years “noxiously partisan.” Now, he worries the divide is downright dangerous. A co-chairman of the 9/11 Commission, Hamilton and fell

    July 27, 2014

  • PUBLIC FORUM: Letters for Sunday, July 27, 2014 Residents want to see development pactI’ve been attending the Utility Service Board monthly meetings for the past several months to better understand the ongoing plans for first Pyrolyzer and now a purchase agreement with Total Concept Solutions.Thre

    July 27, 2014

Hyperlocal Search
Premier Guide
Find a business

Walking Fingers
Maps, Menus, Store hours, Coupons, and more...
Premier Guide
Poll

Should grocery and convenience stores be allowed to sell cold beer?

Yes
No
Unsure
     View Results
Featured Ads
AP Video
US Ready to Slap New Sanctions on Russia Kerry: Not Worried About Israeli Criticism Boater Rescued From Edge of Kentucky Dam Girl Struck by Plane on Florida Beach Dies Rodents Rampant in Gardens Around Louvre House to Vote on Slimmed-down Bill for Border Looming Demand Could Undercut Flight Safety Raw: 2 Shells Hit Fuel Tank at Gaza Power Plant Raw: Massive Explosions From Airstrikes in Gaza Giant Ketchup Bottle Water Tower Up for Sale Easier Nuclear Construction Promises Fall Short Kerry: Humanitarian Cease-fire Efforts Continue Raw: Corruption Trial Begins for Former Va Gov. The Carbon Trap: US Exports Global Warming Traditional African Dishes Teach Healthy Eating
Parade
Magazine

Click HERE to read all your Parade favorites including Hollywood Wire, Celebrity interviews and photo galleries, Food recipes and cooking tips, Games and lots more.