Published: November 28, 2008 01:36 pm         

Going for the win on eBay

I may have mentioned my memorabilia shelf in this column before. It is an antique printer’s drawer tipped sideways to make a hanging shelf for collecting miniatures.

The slots vary in size from small to very small. Most of what is in my shelf wouldn’t mean anything to anyone but me. Everything added together probably wouldn’t bring even $100 if I sold the whole lot at a garage sale. I don’t collect anything in particular, unless you count memories.

I can sit on the edge of my bed and look at the items on the shelf and drift back in time, savoring people and places and things that were special in my life — like a shell from Sanibel Island and a bit of driftwood from Cape Cod, a Clinton/Gore campaign button (now joined by Hillary) and a diecast Indiana sheriff’s department car (from back when the uniform brown and tan were still mandated by the sheriff’s association). I have spent a semi-serious amount of money on a few things — a crystal pelican from South Carolina and a tiny Apache pot from New Mexico and a blown glass marble from Los Olmas Boulevard in Fort Lauderdale.

The shelf also contains Dallas’ gold sheriff’s badge tie tack and Randy’s ID from when he worked undercover at the high school in Kosciusko County.

(I was his mother, responsible for calling when he was sick, and a lax mother I was, unable to remember whether he was a junior or senior when asked – no wonder he was a “bad boy.”)

I even have the last Camel cigarette pack from which my father was smoking when he died. (My aunt actually saved it first but she smoked the rest of the cigarettes several years later when her own husband was suffering from cancer and she was desperate. I finally inherited it when she died. You see how weird my family can be in its sentimentality.)

Anyway, I recently received an e-mail from the Jimmie Johnson Foundation, Jimmie being the NASCAR driver I follow and support. The foundation has periodic eBay auctions to raise money for charity. This one includes hats and banners and Christmas ornaments. The only thing that interested me, as a symbol of my newfound passion for NASCAR, was a Jimmie Johnson autographed lug nut and that’s because it was the only item small enough to fit comfortably on one of the slots in my shelf. So I bid what I thought was a generous amount for a lug nut, even one signed by Jimmie Johnson, even one that had actually been on his car during the race at Texas - $10.

The next morning when I downloaded my email, there was a message from the folks at eBay. I’d been outbid. They encouraged me to come back and up the ante so I did, this time doubling up to what seemed to me to be the enormously generous price of $20.

“There,” I thought, “that’ll show’em I mean business!”

By now, I was beginning to think of this particular lug nut as MY lug nut, but before the day was out, I got yet another communication from eBay. My competitor had struck again. The folks at eBay didn’t exactly say, but they hinted that I was a wussy wimp if I took it lying down.

One of the qualities I’ve always admired about Jimmie is his willingness to take risks to go for the win. Could I be any less daring in trying to reach the auction checkered flag out front? I charged back to the foundation Web site and plugged in $30. I was obviously caught up in buyer mania, obsessed with claiming my lug nut at any cost. To allay my conscience, I convinced myself it wasn’t about me selfishly spending $30 on myself. I was doing it to help the downtrodden of the world since my dollars would go to charity!

At $50 bid, with 7 days, 19 hours and 43 minutes left to go in the auction, I reluctantly faced reality and dropped out. However, I kept the relevant page bookmarked so I could continue to monitor the situation, out of curiosity about what the little lump of metal would finally bring. As I write, the signed memento is up to $125. At this point, the lug nut bears a price you’d expect if it were gold-leafed. You could see it resting proudly on velvet in the front window of Tiffany’s.

My kids are always asking me what I want for Christmas. For a brief, foolish moment, I thought of telling them about the lug nut. Then I came to my senses, imagining their horrified reaction, and kept my mouth shut.

I’ve actually never been much into hero worship. I have never in my life asked anyone for their autograph although I’ve met a few people who would qualify as autograph-worthy. Still, there’s an empty slot in my shelf just yearning to be the lug nut’s home. I visualize how it would shine, with Jimmie’s tiny little name facing the front, sharing space with a wee doll (New Orleans) and a guitar pick (John Mellencamp).

A couple of times, I’ve almost gotten my credit card out, but so far, I’ve brought myself back from the brink in the nick of time.

Vicki Williams is a columnist for the Pharos-Tribune. She can be reached through the newspaper at ptnews@pharostribune.com