Published: October 03, 2008 07:47 pm         

Playing the knock-off game

New York City introduced me to the wonderful world of knock-offs. Men (maybe women too, although I didn’t see any) set up tables on the streets to sell purses, sunglasses, watches, bags, etc. The ones on view are legal. Some of them are attractive, and they are reasonably priced.

Sometimes, though, underneath the tables, are more purses, sunglasses, watches in black garbage bags. These are the counterfeits. The purses are Coach, Coco Chanel, Dolce y Gabbana ... except they aren’t. The bags are Louis Vuitton or Gucci ... except they aren’t. The watches are Rolex ... except they aren’t. The sunglasses are Oakleys, Ralph Lauren ... except they aren’t. For $30, you can buy a Coach imitation when the real thing would cost you several hundred dollars across the street at Bloomingdale’s.

Lisa had bought some of the purses for herself and as gifts for others. John was going to buy me one for my birthday, but you can’t just walk up and ask a vendor if he sells knock-offs because he’ll deny it or he’ll insist, in broken English, that he doesn’t have a clue what you’re talking about. You have to wait for them to get your attention — “Psst, Lady, over here. Coach? Gucci?” in a loud whisper.

It seems like a scam within a scam. They have their tables set up on one of the most famous and populous streets in America. There are police officers strolling on every block. It doesn’t seem possible that they are engaging in something truly illegal right there in plain view with only a plastic sack to shield themselves from arrest. But they are surreptitious about showing you their wares, pulling out a Coco Chanel, eyes moving in all directions to indicate that we are involved in a nefarious transaction and could be busted at any moment.

It adds a sense of excitement to making a purchase, more fun than simply handing your credit card to a cashier, like all of us are in on the joke and playing our parts. Actually, it is illegal to sell knock-offs but not to buy them. But guess who is responsible for enforcing the counterfeit laws? The Department of Homeland Security. How concerned do you think they are about sunglasses and purses?

“Coco Chanel, eh?” declares our little salesman. “No difference, Lady. Fifty dollah? You buy?”

I enjoy the back and forth as much as the actual purchase. Lisa, my reserved and non-confrontational daughter-in-law, is a cutthroat negotiator when it comes to shopping. It is what is expected. Only the foolish pay the initial asking price.

You can go to the Internet, as Lisa has, and research knock-offs so that you know how to spot them. In some cases, the products are obviously inferior. In others, they are almost indistinguishable from the real thing. Usually, these same sites will offer sober and self-righteous lectures about all the reasons you should not buy imitation products.

For one thing, I am cheating Coco Chanel if I buy a replica of one of her purses (The real Coco Chanel died in 1971, so it is her heirs and stockholders I am cheating if I am cheating anyone). But over the last several decades, Coco et al have made a gazillion dollars selling extremely expensive products to the people who can afford them, so excuse me if I don’t feel too terribly guilty.

Secondly, the upright Internet sites tell me that by buying knock-offs, I am encouraging the horrors of child labor, and unfortunately, I think this may be true in at least some cases. But, you know, I think it is equally true of the things I buy at Wal-Mart or any of the other reputable stores that import the bulk of their wares from China, Taiwan, Singapore, Bangladesh or wherever.

And, it’s not like if I don’t buy this knock-off from a table on Times Square I’m going to walk over to Neiman-Marcus and purchase the real thing. A real Coco would cost me at least a week’s wages, more than I would ever be able to pay.

I don’t carry the purse in an attempt to deceive. I happily reveal to everyone that it’s an imitation. That’s part of the fun. Some people have paid a small fortune for this bag while I have one that looks exactly the same at a cost of $30. It’s a bit of a triumph.

The sites that try to dissuade you from buying counterfeits are unconvincing. In the end, they wag a finger in your face, admonishing you about buying a product you can’t afford and therefore, don’t deserve. The Coaches, Chanels, Rolexes are reserved for your economic betters because we know, don’t we, that they would certainly never rip us off.

We know that — unless we’ve been watching the financial news for the last few weeks to see how the top-of-the-heap people game the system. After that, buying a Coco Chanel knock-off seems like the most miniscule of cheats.

Vicki Williams is a columnist for the Pharos-Tribune. She can be reached through the newspaper at ptnews@pharostribune.com