Pharos-Tribune

January 31, 2013

PUBLIC FORUM: Making necessary changes to football


— Jocks, your assistance is needed to clarify undocumented 2013 sport changes. Each item should be given a “true” or “false” response, not “probably.”

1.) All professional sport players will be paid excessive salaries not to exceed $25 million, unless they “deserve” more.

2.) All TV sport shows will be pay-for-view to supplement ticket revenues, to pay the above salaries.

3.) NFL will become NFFL (National Flag Football League).

4.) Kick-off and punt returns will be eliminated to keep players from hurting each other.

5.) Offensive and defensive linemen will wear mittens to eliminate unwanted touching.

6.) Nets will be attached to the horizontal section of the goal posts. Points will be given to the wanna-be basketball dunkers.

7.) During half time, players will perform their dance and “look at me” routines which are banned during the game.

Baseball and basketball changes will be addressed another time.

Richard Denney

Winamac