Deer dangers, part two
Sorting through email is tedious. Half of it is spam — almost worse than the kind you eat — and sometimes you can’t tell whether the other half isn’t spam.
But one specimen of spam caught my eye a couple of weeks ago. It purported to inform me about “Deer dangers you don’t know and what to do.” Maybe because I ran into a couple deer this winter.
“I thought you might have interest in the timely content below on ‘Deer Dangers’ in suburbia,” the email began. That was Clue No. 1 that it was spam.
I’m pretty sure Logansport doesn’t count as suburbia. If I had “Joan’s” number, I’d invite her for a visit by describing to her our gorgeous cornfields available within walking distance of, oh, just about everywhere.
She conceded that most people, even those who live in an actual suburb, know about the danger deer pose to flower beds and cars. But “Bambi’s less beautiful when you consider the deer dangers you don’t know,” she added.
That was Clue No. 2 that this email was spam. Because, of course, nothing on earth can diminish the beauty of Bambi.
Thing is, “Joan” said, deer can be disease-ridden varmints just waiting to infect the populace with awful conditions like brucellosis.
I’ve never heard of brucellosis. But apparently it’s a bacteria that worms its way into your gut and gives you the flu. Or it can attack the heart lining, if it’s feeling really malevolent.
How do you gauge the malevolence of a bacteria? Does it have microscopic facial expressions? Can you see rage in its tiny molecular eyes?
Deer can also become enraged and attack pets, “Joan” said. (You can see it in their eyes.) If your dog corners a deer, instead of running away, the deer might turn into the Hulk.