March 7, 2014

[friday]: When a smartphone is smarter than you


---- — In a perfect world, we wouldn’t have to worry about saving up our daylight like a paltry pile of pennies.

This isn’t a perfect world.

When I pulled my sad little stash of daylight from my savings jar last fall, I got an extra two hours of sleep ... by accident.

I blame it on my smartphone. “Smartphone,” I told it, “it’s your job to wake me up tomorrow morning without getting me an hour ahead of everyone.”

My phone didn’t say anything back. It’s not rude – it’s just shy.

So I tucked Smartphone in bed and sang it a lullaby. Once it was all cozied up with its charger, I went to sleep myself, reposing complete trust in Smartphone’s willingness to wake me up on time the next morning.

I should’ve known it’d play a prank on me.

“Teehee,” snickered Smartphone in a way only an electronic gadget can snicker (with an mp3 file). “Now’s my chance.”

And it promptly pretended I was in Chicago.

I spontaneously awoke the next morning at 5:38 a.m., according to Smartphone. Seriously. 5:38 on a Sunday morning is just too early. So I went back to sleep. And woke up again. And tried to sleep, but didn’t. If I ever see a flock of 3,208 sheep, I’ll find out what my poor brain was imagining that morning.

Eventually I gave up and moseyed my way into daylight, making sure to pull out a few rays to brighten up the morning. I thought it was unusually bright for what would have been 8 o’clock the previous morning.

And when I walked into church, I realized …

I’d managed to sleep and count sheep for an extra two hours. Not just one. Two.

I’d missed band practice on the day I was supposed to be playing bass.

I’d arrived late on the “fall back” day.

That’s not even supposed to be possible!

“Smartphone,” I said. “You’re grounded. Until you start telling me the time in Logansport, Indiana, and not the time in Cicero, Illinois, you are banished to your charger.”

It just stared back at me.

Insolent Smartphone.

– Sarah Einselen

Friday editor / ISO phone obedience classes

• Remember to turn your clocks back Saturday night for the beginning of daylight-saving time!