Pharos-Tribune

Columns

October 1, 2013

VILLAGE IDIOT: Who wears the sweatpants in the house?

(Continued)

The thing I like about my health club is that I am not the most out-of-shape person there. They seem to have gone to great lengths to find people who are as lazy and paunchy as I am, or worse, which is a comfort. And absolutely no one there looks like they are going to win a gold medal in weightlifting or beach volleyball in the next Olympics. It’s full of normal people like schoolteachers and bank tellers, trying to keep one step ahead of dreaded couch potato buildup.

I had to buy a new gym bag and some sweats, so I’m pawing through the sweatpants at the Shop and Go Away and everything on the shelf is size 4XL, 3XL or 2XL. Obviously, if you are buying the 4XL, you are either a professional athlete or you don’t sweat very much. I’ve also noticed that a lot of people in this store are wearing sweatpants even though they’re not at the gym.

When I was in school, after we exercised, we changed back into our school clothes and put the smelly gym clothes in our lockers.

Sweatpants weren’t something you’d wear when you weren’t actually in the gym or on the field. Now people go to the mall in sweat clothes; they fly across the country in them. It’s so common to see people who obviously don’t run wearing running gear, to see people who don’t play tennis wearing tennis togs, to see people who don’t play football or basketball wearing football and basketball jerseys that we don’t even notice it anymore. I don’t know what you’re wearing as you read this, but however casual it is, there’s probably somebody in line down at the bank wearing something even less appropriate.

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