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June 17, 2014

VILLAGE IDIOT: Best seat in the house is at home

Last week, for the first time in months, Sue and I went to the movies. We used to go at least once a week, but now with Netflix and Hulu and Roku and all the movie channels on cable, we could easily watch 10 movies a day if we were so inclined. And better yet, we have big-screen TV sets in several rooms, so Sue can watch things that bore me and I can watch things that bore her at the same time.

Movie theaters should try that. If there’s a romantic movie at one theater in the multiplex and a shoot ‘em up in another, start them both at the same time so the husband can watch one and the wife can watch the other. Don’t start one at 4 and one at 5:30. I can’t tell you how many times, after watching different movies in different rooms, that we have said to each other, “It was great — but you wouldn’t have liked it.”

What can I say? It’s a well-known fact that when it comes to movies, men are from “The Bourne Supremacy” and women are from “The Notebook.” So for us, and I suspect for many other couples, going to see a film in a theater is becoming a rarer and rarer occurrence. And when there is something we both want to see, it’s only there for about a day. The movies we don’t want to see, the movies for toddlers and teenagers, linger around for weeks. The movie we want to see plays for what seems like one afternoon.

We go to the early showings now, because we’ll fall asleep before the 7 o’clock show ends. This afternoon, we are the only people in the theater. How do they make any money? No wonder they only keep it around for one afternoon. Through the paper-thin walls of the multiplex, we can hear the noise of a full-bore action picture in the neighboring theater. Or maybe we’re in the middle of a bowling ball-sized hailstorm.

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