Pharos-Tribune

Columns

June 16, 2013

KNISELY: Having a worst fear realized ... sorta

I have a deep-seated fear of bats. Namely, bats swooping down and getting tangled up in my hair. When I tell people of this fear, it’s often with great animation on my part. It’s a true audio/visual presentation of the unlikely event were it to actually happen. It goes much like this: I flail my arms about and make the high-pitched shrieks I imagine the bat would make as it tried to escape the web that is my hair.

There is no reason for this fear as I’ve never even seen a bat up close, much less have one touch me. If one did, I would not be alive to write this ridiculous column.But all that changed this week during a short trip to Chicago with a friend. We decided to take a couple days off and hit the big city in search of something fun to do. On Tuesday, that fun thing was Navy Pier. We sat and watched the water and trolled around the different shops and such. We decided taking a Ferris wheel ride was required tourist activity, so we bought our tickets. While on the ride, it started to rain. If you’ve never been on a Ferris wheel in the rain, I highly recommend it.Anyway, since it was raining when our ride was up, we hit the ground running in search of shelter before the storm hit. Following behind my friend, I was running past a little food hut with several people crowded under a tiny awning. That’s when it happened. A bird swooped down from behind and grabbed my head. Let me repeat. A bird swooped down from behind and grabbed my head.I couldn’t see the bird but I could hear its shrill squawk. The worst part was I could feel both its talons as it tried to get hold of my head. As it flew away — without it pursued prey, aka me — my hair was caught in its talon, pulling my hair in the process. In a moment it had come and gone, leaving me to have a moment of my own. I stopped dead in my tracks. Standing in the rain, I felt my head in disbelief. If it wasn’t for the audience gathered under the food hut awning gasping, I don’t think I would have believed it. I turned to look at them, hoping for some sort of reassurance — since my friend was long gone, unaware I was no longer right behind him — but got nothing. They just looked at me in disbelief. One little boy had tears in his eyes when he said, “Mommy! The birdie attacked her!”After a few moments of stunned immobility, I got the wherewithal to start moving my feet again. As I rounded the hedges, I could see my friend coming back for me.I must have looked like I’d seen a ghost because he quickly asked what was wrong.“I was attacked!” I said probably much louder than necessary.“What?” he asked impatiently. “By who?”“A bird!” I yelled. “A bird tried to get me!”His expression went from fear to disbelief. Not disbelief that something so incredulous happened to me but that I was yelling about being “attacked” by a bird.He turned to run for shelter again, with me in pursuit while yelling about how this is a tragic event and attention must be paid. Once in the dryness of indoors, he turned to me and asked, “So, you were attacked by a bird?”Ignoring the blatant sarcasm, I delved into the ordeal I had just endured. With my arms flailing and making crow sounds, I tried to convey the true horror of what had just happened to me.“I’m now more afraid of bats than ever!” I said, practically squealing.“Because you were ‘attacked’ by a bird?” he said, questioning my logic.“Exactly,” I rebutted. “It was horrible.”“Yeah,” he said. “That’s terrible ... oh look, they have ice cream here ...”

Misty Knisely, managing editor, can be reached at 574-732-5155 or via email at misty.knisely@pharostribune.com.

1
Text Only | Photo Reprints
Columns
  • WOLFSIE: A trip to end all trips My wife is planning a very exciting vacation to celebrate our 35th wedding anniversary. This was a big surprise to me. Not the vacation part, but the 35 years. I thought it was 34. Right now she is on the back porch, the patio table stacked high with

    July 25, 2014

  • FREY: Hero pilot still on a mission to save lives Ordinary people who live their lives, do something spectacular one day, and then embrace a great cause after retirement are tops in my book.Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger III is such an individual. He is the pilot who safely landed a US Airways airplan

    July 25, 2014

  • HAMILTON: Why incumbents keep getting reelected It’s no news that Congress is unpopular. In fact, at times it seems like the only real novelty on Capitol Hill would be a jump in its approval rating. In June, a Gallup poll found members’ standing with the American people at a historic low for a mid

    July 24, 2014

  • WILLIAMS: Four-legged family I have three pets. First, Paisley, a long-haired cream and tortoise Ragdoll cat. She’s the aristocracy in our group, compared to the rest of us, who are all blue collar folks. Her movements are slow and stately and her mien is gracious. She is by far

    July 24, 2014

  • Holly Sklar SKLAR: Small businesses want minimum wage increase If Congress actually listened to small business owners, the minimum wage would be going up. Instead, July 24 will mark five years without an increase since the federal minimum wage was set at $7.25 an hour in 2009.Small business livelihoods depend on

    July 23, 2014 1 Photo

  • KITCHELL: Reaction times change, but motorists don't Earlier this year, I came home one afternoon to find the worst accident on North Street I can ever recall.A bevy of police cars and four flatbed trucks were removing the pawns in an accident that damaged four vehicles. It was a bit unusual considerin

    July 23, 2014

  • MARCUS: Tax simplification is no simple matter The governor and his select invitees to his closed tax conference last month praised simplifying Indiana’s tax code. It is an idea better loved by Americans than baseball, apple, pie or motherhood.There is no question that our national and state tax

    July 22, 2014

  • VILLAGE IDIOT: The sheer dumbness of an enormous dome There is a TV series about an entire town trapped under a giant, mysterious crystal-clear dome that appears out of the blue one day. The dome is impenetrable; no one can get in, no one can get out. Who made the dome? Aliens? God? A super-secret branc

    July 22, 2014

  • HAYDEN: Road to funding Indiana highways jammed If you’ve driven on either of Indiana’s two busiest interstates recently, you’ll understand why a blue-ribbon commission last week called for adding traffic lanes to those harrowing highways.The report, issued by the Governor’s Blue Ribbon Panel on T

    July 21, 2014

  • LYONS: When academic committees play 'police' If one believes even a significant fraction of the horror stories in the national news media, beastly male behavior has become almost epidemic on American college campuses. Tales of drunken sexual assaults and worse multiply from sea to shining sea.E

    July 21, 2014

Hyperlocal Search
Premier Guide
Find a business

Walking Fingers
Maps, Menus, Store hours, Coupons, and more...
Premier Guide
Poll

The Pence administration continues to cut Indiana agency budgets despite a state surplus of $2 billion. Is this wise management of state funds?

Yes
No
Not sure
     View Results
Featured Ads
AP Video
Raw: Massive Dust Storm Covers Phoenix 12-hour Cease-fire in Gaza Fighting Begins Raw: Bolivian Dancers Attempt to Break Record Raw: Israel, Palestine Supporters Rally in US Raw: Palestinians and Israeli Soldiers Clash Raw: Air Algerie Flight 5017 Wreckage Virginia Governor Tours Tornado Aftermath Judge Faces Heat Over Offer to Help Migrant Kids Kerry: No Deal Yet on 7-Day Gaza Truce Kangaroo Goes Missing in Oklahoma More M17 Bodies Return, Sanctions on Russia Grow Gaza Residents Mourn Dead Amid Airstrikes Raw: Deadly Tornado Hits Virginia Campground Ohio State Marching Band Chief Fired After Probe Raw: Big Rig Stuck in Illinois Swamp Cumberbatch Brings 'Penguins' to Comic-Con Raw: Air Algerie Crash Site in Mali Power to Be Restored After Wash. Wildfire Crashed Air Algerie Plane Found in Mali Israel Mulls Ceasefire Amid Gaza Offensive
Parade
Magazine

Click HERE to read all your Parade favorites including Hollywood Wire, Celebrity interviews and photo galleries, Food recipes and cooking tips, Games and lots more.