April 6, 2014

KNISELY: Orange you glad you're reading this


---- — FOR SALE: Managing editor desperate to sell office full of co-workers. Make an offer.

That’s right, I’m selling everyone in this office. From circulation to advertising to newsroom to anyone who happened down Broadway and might have played in role in this week’s barrage of orange-scented madness.

Let me explain.

I hate oranges. Not only do they smell terrible, their scent lingers in the air for what seems like days. I think that’s because true evil never really dies.

Two members of the newsroom love oranges almost as much as I hate them. I tried to be accommodating and polite about it, but ultimately I failed in my gallant attempts. If they had just eaten them at their desks, none of this would have happened.

But no, they had to eat them in my office. I swear every single time (OK, maybe not every time ...) they had a question to ask me, they grabbed an orange off their desk before heading in here. They’d stand there asking for my advice or guidance on whatever it was and all I could focus on was the peeling in progress. I knew that it would only be a matter of seconds before the evil would be wafting across my desk.

Finally, one day I had had enough. “That’s it!” I proclaimed loudly as a peel was meeting its untimely demise in my office for the umpteenth time. “No more oranges in my office! Ever!”

Well, in an office this size, news travels fast.

Enter April Fool’s Day.

Someone from another department came into my office to ask me a question. She was eating an orange. That’s strange, I thought. Since she was from a different department, she was unaware of the No-Orange Rule. Then about an hour later, another co-worker from a different department appears with a “question.” I don’t remember the question, but I remember the orange she was eating.

That’s when I walked out into the open office and announced to all, “I’m onto your little game. Knock it off!”

Of course they all looked just so innocent, but I knew better. After making a quick pit stop in the restroom, I returned to my office to find an orange sitting on my desk. I picked it up and delivered it to the desk of who I presumed was the ring leader of this little game. Again, innocence was feigned.

A little later in the day I found an orange in my purse when I went looking for my keys to run an errand.

At that, I decided to lock my office while I was gone. I returned to find someone hiding in there, but that’s another story.

Then, when heading out to lunch later, I found an orange resting on my windshield.

At this point you’re probably thinking they’re out of tricks. But, of course not.

I found out toward the end of my day that there was an orange air freshener hidden in my office. And, it’d been in here for two weeks.

But the joke’s on them. I’ve had a cold for two weeks and didn’t smell a thing.

WANTED: New co-workers. Would like a matching set but would take anything at this point. Make an offer.

Reach Misty Knisely at or 574-732-5155