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November 22, 2013

WOLFSIE: Getting around to things

(Continued)

OK, I know what’s happening now. Half of the people reading this are saying things like: “Hey, Gladys, you have to hear this: Dick Wolfsie does exactly what I do. I wonder if he also re-ties his shoes before he puts them away in his closet. (Note to those readers: I do.)

Others are saying: “Herb, Dick Wolfsie is nuttier than a pecan pie. He gives the electric company extra money. He must have an IQ of about 85.”

(Note to readers: I like to round that up to 100.)

Mary Ellen hates this trait in me and watches me closely to be sure that this preoccupation does not cost us extra money. When the water bill comes in for $97.18, she insists I write a check for exactly $97.18. How incredibly weird is that? Is she trying to drive me insane?

Of course, this obsession does have its downside …

“I’m afraid I have to write you a ticket, Mr. Wolfsie. You were going 76 mph in a 55 mph zone. That’s gonna cost you $175.”

“Gee, officer, it’s my first offense. Can you cut me a break? How about 80 mph and let’s make it an even 200?”

By the way, in case you’re interested, I’m 60 years old. I also like rounding down.

Dick Wolfsie is a television news reporter, syndicated humor columnist and author. He can be reached at Wolfsie@aol.com.

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