Here was another inquiry: Have you considered replacing the aluminum siding on your home?
Not only was I thinking about it, I had been meditating about it. I clicked yes, because I was afraid that too many NO answers would have suggested I was just in this for the free frozen pizzas I was going to buy with my certificate. While I was still typing, the phone rang.
“Mr. Wolfsie, this is A. A. Monroe Home Improvement. Based on your response 45 seconds ago we have determined that you are exactly the kind of person who can benefit from our aluminum siding, which comes with a lifetime guarantee for as long as you own your home.”
“Look at the survey. I’m 114 years old. Can I rent aluminum siding?”
In a final notation, the research company reserved the option of substituting a prize worth the equivalent of the twenty-five dollars in free groceries, which probably meant a $12 knock-off Rolex.
They also said that to get my reward, I had to submit the provided registration number, which, for the life of me, I could not find it anywhere.
I called the hot line number and told the woman that I felt I had been mislead and that the entire questionnaire was a waste of my time.
She said 82 percent of the people who took the survey felt exactly the same way.
Dick Wolfsie is a television news reporter, syndicated humor columnist and author. He can be reached at Wolfsie@aol.com.