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March 14, 2014

WOLFSIE: Success with my dressing

I’m always disap­pointed with salad dressing.

It’s either too thin or too thick. Some are too vinegary, some are too oily. I must have 25 opened bottles in the fridge. And another 20 unopened in the cupboard. In restaurants, I always ask for the dressing on the side, and I request two or three different kinds. Maybe if I combine the lite honey mustard with the raspberry vinaigrette? How about half French and half Thousand Island? Yuck. Nothing works.

My sister, Linda, who lives in New York, is an awesome cook and whenever we visit and she prepares a meal, the salad is tossed with the most delicious dressing imaginable. Okay, maybe it’s my imagination, but for 35 years she has avoided telling me how she makes it. I’ll say during dinner, “Linda, you really have to give me the recipe…”

“Sure, remind me before you leave,” Linda says.

Then, as we are leaving, she often conveniently brings up things like pressing health issues in the family, stuff I really don’t want to talk about. The whole thing is very suspicious. Maybe the recipe is a family secret. Wait a second: it’s my family, too.

Recently my wife asked me for the 1,000th time: “Aren’t you going to eat your salad?” That was it. I called my sister and told her I wanted to know what was in her special creation and I wanted to know NOW.

“Look, Dick. The reason I never gave you the recipe is that I really have no idea what the exact proportion of ingredients is.”

“How could that be, Linda? It has tasted exactly the same every year since 1976 when I first tasted it at your wedding reception.”

“I know. It really keeps. I probably made way too much.”

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