Pharos-Tribune

Columns

December 31, 2013

VILLAGE IDIOT: Some predictions for the new year

I predict for 2014 ...

That most of us will not stay up until midnight on New Year’s Eve.

That several well-known celebrities will say something for which they will have to apologize.

That several of those celebrities will have to apologize for something they said in their apology.

That some pop stars will do something so offensive that it will make them rich beyond their wildest dreams.

That there will be unrest in the Middle East. Oh, yeah, and Asia, too. Africa’s not looking too good, either. Europe is toast. Do I even have to mention Central America?

The stock market will go up, then down, then up again and then down and up just a little bit and then way down until it totally recovers and ends the year with some stocks going up a lot and some going down a lot.

There will be several giant recalls of food for one reason or another.

Several well-known people will die unexpectedly.

Winter will be colder than summer.

There will be a bunch of natural disasters.

Some of the biggest stars in Hollywood will appear in the biggest bombs of the year.

That there will be a “Trial of the Century,” just as there is every year.

Someone in the British royal family will make the news by doing something the rest of us do every day. As in “Prince William washes the dishes!”

Now that piercings and tattoos don’t shock anyone, teenagers will adopt some new headshaking trend, like having their front teeth removed on purpose.

Lots of people will get swindled on the internet by scams that have been around for years.

Several celebrity couples will have babies which supermarket tabloids will report as if this were the first pregnancy in the history of the Earth.

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