Pharos-Tribune

Columns

December 29, 2013

KNISELY: My mind has ran away

I was sitting at the desk in my home office, opening the mail and paying bills. You know, livin’ the dream stuff.

I had received a few Christmas cards. Not having sent out Christmas cards in over a decade, I shockingly still receive some.

There was a little incident that put an end to my spreading holiday cheer via the U.S. Postal System. I hadn’t been out on my own long and decided I want to send out Christmas cards one year. That’ll be grown-up behavior, I decided.

So I went to the store and bought some super pretty cards. They were long and skinny, which I liked because it was unusual to the normal square cards. I also liked them because they had Christmas lights on them. Not actually light bulbs but made to look that way. They were raised off the surface of the card to look three-dimensional. Just an all-around cool card for my first venture into mailing out my own Christmas cards.

The only problem was, they weren’t cool to the people I mailed them to. I think the fact that they had to pay the additional postage helped in that. Oh, and the fact that most of them were delivered in pieces collected in Ziplock bags didn’t help either.

Those raised light bulbs got caught in the sorting machine, or so I’m told. The machine snarled up about 10 of the cards before it was shut down. Well, that is an estimate because I — fortunately — didn’t hear from all of the people I sent these little Christmas wonders to. I did hear from my more outspoken, smart aleck friends.

One friend mailed me a bill for the additional postage, requesting a check for 22 cents because he was afraid the coins would get caught in the machine. Another sent me a piece of paper with one of the light bulbs taped to it. Saying he figured I was in mourning from the mangling and subsequent death of my cards, he thought I would want to keep a memento of their short time here on Earth.

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